Wednesday, April 25, 2012

And I will betroth thee unto me for ever

I want to tell you something that might sound a little unbelievable to you, but is true nonetheless, at least for me…

When I was getting used to accepting my new self as a beautiful emerging butterfly, free of pain and guilt, and purified by my Lord and Savior, I was going through a time of soul searching. I was contemplating my personal life. I didn’t have a spouse, and felt a void. I kept worshipping Him and His Beauty, and wondering about that void. One evening, as I was worshipping, I was watching a musical video that enacted scenes from Jesus’s life on earth, and portrayed His gentle character and His Love for us. I was so moved by the fact that there is no person on earth, man or woman, who could ever live up to His standard. I understood that if I was His bride, than He was my bridesgroom. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew one thing for sure. I don’t want any other spouse but Jesus. I was willing to surrender the physical part of marriage, in favor of a spiritual marriage to Jesus. I got on my knees, and begged Him to come and be my spouse.

For a few days nothing happened.

Than one evening, I was sitting at my computer, listening to worship music. I felt Jesus’s presence in the room, as He came and sat next to me. We talked. He told me many things. He told me that He accepted my invitation to come and be my spouse. He explained to me the need to let me go through the hard times I went through, seemingly without Him… He assured me that it was over, and that He was going to stay by my side until I saw Him face-to-face…

For the next few days I kept receiving things from different sources, until it was almost too much… I knew I was getting wedding gifts from my beloved.

Hosea 2:16-20

I know He’s with me. I talk to Him all the time. Whenever I’m upset, I tell Him… My thoughts become clearer after I do… I walk around enjoying the beauty of creation, knowing it’s from Him, as I described in my previous blog entry

I won’t lie to you by saying that I never feel upset… I do sometimes… it’s still all very new. But I’m getting better at it, and I know that the day in which I will finally truly accept that I am never alone nor in danger is very, very near…

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