I want to tell you something that might sound a
little unbelievable to you, but is true nonetheless, at least for me…
When I was getting used to accepting my new self as a
beautiful emerging butterfly, free of pain and guilt, and purified by my Lord
and Savior, I was going through a time of soul searching. I was contemplating
my personal life. I didn’t have a spouse, and felt a void. I kept worshipping
Him and His Beauty, and wondering about that void. One evening, as I was
worshipping, I was watching a musical video that enacted scenes from Jesus’s life
on earth, and portrayed His gentle character and His Love for us. I was so
moved by the fact that there is no person on earth, man or woman, who could
ever live up to His standard. I understood that if I was His bride, than He was
my bridesgroom. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew one thing for sure. I don’t
want any other spouse but Jesus. I was willing to surrender the physical part
of marriage, in favor of a spiritual marriage to Jesus. I got on my knees, and
begged Him to come and be my spouse.
For a few days nothing happened.
Than one evening, I was sitting at my computer,
listening to worship music. I felt Jesus’s presence in the room, as He came and
sat next to me. We talked. He told me many things. He told me that He accepted
my invitation to come and be my spouse. He explained to me the need to let me
go through the hard times I went through, seemingly without Him… He assured me
that it was over, and that He was going to stay by my side until I saw Him
face-to-face…
For the next few days I kept receiving things from different sources, until it was almost too much… I knew I was getting wedding gifts from my beloved.
I know He’s with me. I talk to Him all the time. Whenever
I’m upset, I tell Him… My thoughts become clearer after I do… I walk around
enjoying the beauty of creation, knowing it’s from Him, as I described in my previous
blog entry…
I won’t lie to you by saying that I never feel upset… I do
sometimes… it’s still all very new. But I’m getting better at it, and I know
that the day in which I will finally truly accept that I am never alone nor in
danger is very, very near…
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